For those who are unaware, I’ve just recently started Cardiology fellowship training at my first choice hospital.
Mind you, making the choice was way too easy. Sticking with it was a different question altogether. For one, I was surrounded by people who didn’t really have similar views and goals as I did who opted to go somewhere different. And so I was faced with constant residual thoughts of second guessing myself. I mean, you know how everyone says you shouldn’t simply plunge into something because everyone was doing it? Well, sometimes seeing everyone choose the exact same thing makes me feel that there’s some merit in their collective choice that I’m somehow missing. And so, for a few weeks, I became tormented by my decision.
I guess the only thing that kept me from jumping right into their bandwagon was the fact that I didn’t really like going with the flow unless there was good reason for me to do so. Like, if that’s what’s the best option for me in the long run and if that’s what I really, truly wanted. High School taught me that. That’s the exact reason why I took my pre-med, which sounded so foreign and unfamiliar to the non-medical family-hailing High School student’s ears, (UST Medical Technology) despite everyone else getting shipped off to very good and competitive programs and schools such as UP, ADMU, DLSU, BS Biology, and BS Nursing. Years later and I harbor no regrets whatsoever with that decision.
A few weeks into fellowship and boy, was I glad I followed my instincts.
I’ve always wanted to be a Cardiologist. Back in High School and College, I was interested in taking up Medicine just because it’s the only career path that truly appealed to me. I was already sure that it was the one thing I was sure I would endure doing for a long, long time. For a short while, I dreamed of being a Journalist or an Engineer but it didn’t really seem to stick and I couldn’t really see myself exclusively doing those things. In Medical School, Cardiology seemed to be the only thing that truly appealed to me by the time we were studying Clinical Medicine. There was even a time when I seriously considered Pediatric Cardiology since I found Congenital Heart Diseases captivating. Except that attending to kids didn’t really appeal to me that much. And so I shelved that thought and took Adult Cardiology to serious consideration hence choosing Internal Medicine as a stepping stone.
Internal Medicine residency was some of the worst years of my life, however. And I know a lot of doctors would look back to residency years with a mixture of fondness and contempt so I’m quite sure I’m not the only one sharing these feelings haha. I almost forgot what my dreams were since I was so lost in myself during these years. All that I knew during my early years was that I needed to get out once I finished so that I could get a change of environment and breathe fresh air.
But I guess during the last months of residency, I started to think about my goals and my wants in my career. And I realized that staying, despite my initial trepidation, may actually be more in line with the career growth that I wanted for myself. And so I decided to stay for fellowship.
So far, so good in my 19th day of training. I didn’t know why I was surprised by this realization but Fellowship is an entirely different world from Residency training and I don’t even know where to begin. I guess a lot of that is stemmed from the different context and framework of training where it is assumed that you’ve made the most out of Internal Medicine training haha.
- I guess it’s already given that you’d be given a lot more freedom in patient management. So I’d leave it at that.
- I’m thankful at how supportive everyone is from the consultants to my senior fellows at each and every learning opportunity coming our way. I’m just so grateful that a lot of people have taken so much time to sit down and just teach.
- I learned this the hard way but fellows really do have the bigger accountability in the management of residents. I used to just shrug off my juniors’ calls, referring some patient, thinking that I’d pass by anyway and then we could talk about the management better (because I really do have the worst listening comprehension). But I guess that’s a bad habit as a future consultant considering that I’d be getting so much more calls in the future, majority of which I wouldn’t be able to attend to ASAP. So I guess I’m also grateful to practice discerning referrals through calls.
- And yes, you get more time to study than residency hahaha.
- This, I guess, would be exclusive to our program but I’m so very much excited to go back to writing. I did Science and Technology writing for my school publication for three years back in College and I really do miss it. I’m just so thankful to be writing about something that’s close to my heart (no pun intended). ❤ Science Journalism is something that I would really love to dabble into in the coming years and I couldn’t be more grateful for this opportunity.
I could write some more but my experience thus far is limited. I guess the general idea is that I’m more than grateful to have a fresh start given that I’m not really the most stellar resident trainee. Hahaha. ❤
CALLROOM CONUNDRUM 